5 complaints your guy has about Lolita… and what you can say about them

photo by Berry Happy Photography
(Models: Steph and Wai. Steph is in BtSSB.)


Let’s face it, Lolita as a lifestyle is a girly, frilly and sometimes very pink affair. Most guys shouldn’t even want to step near it of their own accord. That’s fine, and really quite understandable. But if you’re a Lolita-chan with a boyfriend, it’s inevitable that he finds out about your fashion style, and sooner or later, a whole bunch of questions start coming up…

Macaron Hearts helps you deal with these questions and complaints.


  1. “Wait, what?! Lolita?! Like the book?”
  2. The perennial first question that people always ask when you tell them that you’re into “Lolita”. No no, you say, the fashion, not the prepubscent girl in the book by Vladimir Whatshisname. (For your reference, it’s Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, 1955)

    Personally I’ve given up going into long, drawn out arguments about this and the reasons why the fashion is called lolita, so my usual lines to this are:
    “Look, I didn’t name it, Japanese did.”
    “Yeah, I know.”
    “Can we look past names here?”

    But if you would really like to indulge in a little explanation for your guy, you might like to explain that the term “lolita” probably refers to the child-like style of the fashion and emphasise that it has nothing to do with age-play or looking sexy. And lest you think that I was being flippant by blaming the name on the Japanese, it’s widely believed that there was some lost-in-translation going on when the Japanese were in the process of naming the fashion, hence, ‘lolita’.


  3. “Why is this fashion so frilly?!”
  4. Show him that lolita is not just extremely frilly pieces of clothing with mountains of petticoats. A large part of the barrier for acceptance is that the fashion is too outre. Ease your guy into it by wearing the tamest item in your wardrobe (hopefully it’s not ALL over-the-top Angelic Pretty) and going out on a date with him, and then slowly work it up to your usual style. As long as you always take pride in what you wear, he should soon realise that it’s a fashion style that you love and look good in… and in turn he’ll love you in it too.


  5. “I have nothing to match your lolita dresses.”
  6. Unless your boyfriend is a slob extraordinaire, he probably likes to dress nicely on occasion too. Introduce him to brands such as Alice and the Pirates, Black Peace Now or Algonquins, which have a good range of jackets for men in the EGA style, but can double up also as a formal jacket. The price tag may be a little bit more than what he’s used to, but to be honest, the jackets don’t cost much more than a mainstream branded one, and are equally, if not moreso well-made.

    (Wai and Emily in BPN and AatP respectively.)


  7. “Is gossiping and drinking tea all that you lolitas do?!”
  8. Well, the answer to this question is actually yes, for me. When my lolita friends and I go out, it’s usually to one of our favourite cafes where we spend the entire afternoon gossiping and chit-chatting. But if you intend on spending some time with your boyfriend while dressed in lolita, chances are he won’t take too kindly to the thought of just sitting in a cafe for hours on end.

    However, presumably if the two of you are dating, you must have some sort of common interests. Because lolita fashion can be considered part of a lifestyle concept, a large part of lolita can be linked to other, everyday hobbies. Try asking him for a photoshoot, if he’s into photography. If he likes food, go to a restaurant dressed in lolita.


  9. “You did not just spend $500 on that.”
  10. Granted, the outfits are a little considerably more expensive than other mainstream outfits from your regular stores. But think of it this way, your items:
    – are exclusively from Japan
    – are highly limited in number
    – enjoy a robust second-hand market and can potentially go UP in value (think rare prints) if you ever think of selling them.

    It’s not just a fashion, it’s an investment! Alright, that was pushing it a little, but I think that it can be quite easy to justify spending the money on the fashion if you are not something of a spendthrift usually already. The items are considered “brand” items, it just happens that they happen to be a very niche, foreign brand.

What other complaints does your boyfriend have about Lolita? Despairing over them? Leave us a comment and see what other people can do to help!

Wed, February 3 2010 »

3 comments on to “5 complaints your guy has about Lolita… and what you can say about them”

  1. SaffronSugar says:

    These are some really good arguments 🙂 I’m not interested in romantic relationships, so I don’t have this problem, but I always have to argue with my parents to get permission to buy something new – even though it’s my money > _ > I’ve also had some trouble convincing my friends, but after a few minutes they gave in x’D

  2. Ribbonlicous says:

    Thanks for the question and nice answer! Nice to read, so true!!! *___*

    I like your blog <3<3<3

  3. Xafinaba says:

    Unless, it is mattering in your personal life, or your boyfriend is living with you, just don’t pay any heed.
    I value myself, and boys are possesive.
    Don’t listen and wear your choice.
    If he leaves you or threatens you to do,
    don’t think. Your personal choice must come before your boyfriend.

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